How to go from talking to dating

01-Dec-2017 12:36 by 10 Comments

How to go from talking to dating

Just because you had a great date, just because you had electric chemistry, just because you were at his place until 3am does NOT mean he wants you as his girlfriend and does NOT mean you are long-term compatible. You do not commit to someone who has given no indication he’s committing to you.

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In other words, you should both “know” what you are without a heavy discussion.

But, we are technically not exclusive (meaning, we talked prior to sleeping together and said that we were both able to date others, if we wanted).

However, we talked more recently and we both said that we aren’t dating anyone else, but we didn’t explicitly say that we are exclusive.

This is not to say that it’s “wrong” to commit to someone before 4 weeks; merely that you’ll have a better sense of who you’re committing if you vet him first, instead of giving him a free pass to boyfriend-hood because you like him and want to sleep with him.

To the original poster’s point, you really shouldn’t have to “bring up” whether he’s your boyfriend.

Our chemistry was immediate (physical, intellectual, and emotional) and things have been very easy so far. I am totally comfortable with the speed (how often we are communicating, seeing each other, and sharing information about ourselves).

But, we recently slept together (it felt right and was great).I agree with Evan’s advice to have the boyfriend/sexclusivity conversation before sex.The only place I would differ is on the specific advice to the OP.It’s not particularly complicated, but, after years of giving this advice, I’ve discovered that it’s a) surprisingly controversial and b) surprisingly hard for women to execute. And she thinks she’s following my script and holding out properly. Here’s what you actually say: “Hey, I’m really attracted to you and would love to sleep with you, however I don’t like having sex with guys who are actively looking for other women on ” And he’ll say, “Yeah, I get it.” And then you’ll say, “So, when we both figure out if this is a relationship worth exploring, you’re in for the night of your life. Once you both agree to give a relationship a shot, there’s some great sex in store.So here’s the deal: if you like having sex based on mutual attraction, can easily separate sex from emotion, and have no real attachment to whether he calls you again, then, by all means, ignore this advice. She’s now had sex with a guy who is NOT her boyfriend, and she still has no idea whether he’s seeing anyone else, whether he has any feelings towards her, or whether he’s going to call her the next day. In the meantime, I can think of some other fun things to do…” And then you can proceed to explore each others’ bodies to the limits of whatever boundaries you decide to set. It should be pretty hard for him to argue with that. Take 4-6 weeks to assess whether he’s boyfriend-worthy A man isn’t boyfriend-worthy because he’s cute and smart and funny.I would like to know that he isn’t sleeping with anyone else and won’t be sleeping with anyone else while we are sleeping together.